How To Maintain Your Relationship After a Baby
It's no doubt that having and raising a baby will change the dynamic of your romantic relationship. Sadly, the resulting changes are often negative. The time consuming, tiring, emotionally and physically demanding task of having a baby can put a huge strain on your relationship. 92% of couples experience a gradual increase in conflict after having their baby. By 18 months, 13% of parents announce a separation or divorce and 1 in 4 experience marital distress. So let's discuss the common changes and challenges that arise in relationships while raising a baby and how they can be managed and resolved.
How does Having a Baby Impact your Relationship?
Communication: Parent’s communication after having a baby often turns formal and businesslike with the bulk of their conversations revolving around caring for the child and completing household chores. Valuable, playful, and intimate conversations needed for a loving relationship are brushed over and the relationship naturally shifts from lovers to parents.
Less free time: Both parents have a huge increase in workload and responsibility after having a baby and spend the majority of their time caring for the baby. This takes away from the quantity of time the couple has alone. On top of this, caring for a baby is extremely tiring leaving them with less energy to devote to each other when they do find the time. The lack of quality time takes a toll on their connection to, and love for, one another. Additionally, both partners have less time for themselves to spend on hobbies, self-care, fitness, and relaxing which can make them irritable and more difficult to be around.
Difference in values: Both parents come from a different upbringing with different values which becomes apparent in their parenting styles and division of labour. A parent may strongly disagree with the way their partner wants to raise their child, creating a lot of tension and conflict. Additionally, one partner may feel more inclined to take on — or be left with — more child-rearing responsibilities than the other. This can create imbalances, anger, and resentment in the relationship.
Coping with the Added Stress of Children
Social support: Having family and/or friends as a support system is extremely important during this challenging time. Getting a friend, family member, or neighbour to watch your child gives you and your partner more freedom to spend important quality time together.
Self Care: Make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating well, having alone time, and spending time doing hobbies you enjoy. Equally divide responsibilities: Have conversations with your partner about how you want to fairly divide the child-rearing and household responsibilities in a way that makes sense for your family.
Show appreciation: Say thank you and use praise to make your partner feel appreciated, loved, and valued. Consider relationship counselling: Talking to a therapist can help you and your partner work through these issues, find balance, and help strengthen your connection. If you and your partner are struggling with your relationship during parenthood please reach out to us. One of our trained therapists can help you both enjoy your relationship during this challenging time in your life.
