How to Heal Emotionally From a Miscarriage
Many people who can get pregnant will unfortunately experience a miscarriage at some point. In fact, 10 to 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriages.
A miscarriage is the loss of one’s developing baby within the first twenty weeks of pregnancy and can occur for many different reasons. Most miscarriages are caused by genetic abnormality and everyday activities such as exercise, work, and sex do not cause them. However, this knowledge often provides limited comfort and many people still blame themselves. These emotions are often not spoken about openly and commonly the person experiencing the loss feels a sense of isolation and shame in addition to the grief.
If you endure a miscarriage, you likely will experience physical and emotional pain. Your body may hurt from the physical pain of the miscarriage, but the emotional pain often lasts longer.
You may feel shock, sadness, anger, guilt and anxiety about future pregnancies. Partners also struggle with feelings of inadequacy and loss. If you are a person who has experienced a miscarriage remember that these feelings are normal and that everyone’s healing process is different. Allow yourself to experience your healing process as it unfolds and remember it is common to feel normal one day and intense sadness the next.
Below are six short-term and five long-term tips on how to heal emotionally from a miscarriage.
Short-term coping tips:
Express your emotions
Commemorate your loss
Take care of yourself
Lean on people you trust
If you are in a relationship, be sensitive to your partner’s emotions
Long-term coping tips:
Give yourself time to heal
Do not numb your pain
Find a support group
Cultivate hope for future pregnancies
Speak with a therapist
Five Short-Term Coping Tips to Heal Emotionally from a Miscarriage
1. Express your emotions
You will likely experience a lot of painful emotions after a miscarriage. The best thing you can do is to feel those emotions.
Express your feelings in safe ways. If you feel devastated, let yourself cry. If you feel angry, punch a pillow. By feeling your emotions, no matter how painful, you get to work through your grief.
Suppressing your emotions will prolong your grief. You will feel worselong term.
2. Commemorate your loss
You are allowed to remember your baby however you want. Commemorating them can help you find a way through your grief.
Some people who were pregnant feel hesitant to do something to remember their baby. However, it can help you move past the early stages of grief.
There are many ways to honour the loss of your baby. Some parents write letters to their baby, plant a tree, or buy birthstone jewelry.
You can even name your baby. Honour your loss in the way that feels right for you.
3. Take care of yourself
While this tip may seem obvious, taking care of yourself while you grieve can be hard. It is so important to showing yourself love and compassion, even if you do not feel up for it.
Taking care of yourself in small ways, like brushing your teeth, changing your clothes, or taking a bath, can feel easier.
Do not push yourself during this time. If you do not feel like exercising heavily, try some light yoga. If you do not want to cook, order takeout. Just try to meet your basic hygiene, nutrition, and sleep needs.
These things may not seem important compared to your loss, but self-care can prevent more sadness.
4. Lean on people you trust
All of us have those people in our lives who understand us and with whom we can be undeniably ourselves. Whether it’s friends, family or your chosen family - share with people
whom you trust.
Unfortunately, some family and friends tell people they should not feel upset especially if it was an early loss. But an early miscarriage isn’t necessarily easier to handle.
Sometimes even if someone was pregnant for a short time, they could have been working to get pregnant for years. Speaking with others who have had similar experiences as part of a support group or people in your network you know who had a similar experience can feel reassuring.
5. If you are in a relationship, be sensitive to your partner’s emotions
You two may grieve this miscarriage differently.
Respect how the other person feels and grieves.
In heterosexual relationships, men and women typically respond to miscarriage differently. Men usually jump to problem-solving mode and feel helpless in light of a situation that cannot be easily fixed. Men can also see their partner get emotional when they talk about the loss and interpret this as a sign that they shouldn’t bring it up.
In same-sex couples, there is an added layer of devastation as there’s a strong chance this pregnancytook months – or years – of physical, emotional, and financial effort to achieve. The pregnant person usually connects with the fetus earlier than the non-pregnant person, allowing for a stronger bond. So, whoever physically endured the miscarriage will likely grieve louder than the other.
Throughout the grieving process, talk to each other. As frequently as you would like, openly discuss how you feel and what you need from one another.
Acknowledge each other’s pain and mutually support one another’s needs.
Five Long-Term Coping Tips to Heal Emotionally from a Miscarriage
1. Give yourself time to heal
Allow yourself to grieve for as long as you need. Healing is not immediate.
You deserve all the time you need to cope with your loss. It is okay to still feel sad weeks or months after your miscarriage.
Do not pressure yourself to move on before you are ready. Ignore anyone who tells you to “get over it”, or who shames you for grieving.
2. Do not numb your pain
It can be tempting to try to dull the pain you feel by turning to substances or alcohol. Having a glass of wine sounds easier than grieving your loss, but it is worse for you long term.
Numbing your pain prolongs your grieving period and suppressing your emotions may prevent you from moving on.
Turning to substances could even lead to dependence or addiction.
Grief feels so painful, but that pain needs to be felt to move through it and accept this loss. And suppressing your pain restricts your healing.
3. Find a support group
Many people feel alone after a miscarriage.
A support group for others who have endured miscarriages can help you feel connected to others. Being around people who experienced the same pain as you can help you feel less alone.
It can also offer you a sense of community and a group of people to lean on if you are struggling.
The support group may also have other resources, advice, or tips for healing, as the people in the group may be further through the process of grieving and healing.
4. Cultivate hope for future pregnancies
Though it may be hard to see a happy future after the pain you are in, you will get there. Fears about suffering another pregnancy loss are common after a miscarriage. The reality is that most couples go on to have a successful pregnancy after a loss. If you have any fears, talk to your doctor and enlist your support network.
5. Speak with a therapist
A miscarriage can spark a ton of different emotions. Seeking a therapist who understands pregnancy loss can help you sort through them.
Therapists can help you work through your grief and trauma. They can also offer personalized coping strategies to support you.
It is especially important to speak to a therapist if your feelings start to interfere with your ability to do your daily tasks of daily living or if you’restruggle to experience any moments of joy even after a couple of months.
Speaking with a therapist allows you to discuss your feelings, fears, and future, and work towards feeling happier.
Healing After Loss
Miscarriages can feel devastating and heartbreaking. The pain you feel is valid.
Feeling your pain and your emotions is necessary for moving through your grief. However, some strategies can relieve some pain while still encouraging healing.
Express your emotions, honour your loss, take care of yourself, and lean on loved ones during the first part of your grief journey. If you are religious, seek spiritual guidance for extra support and clarity.
Remember to be aware and responsive to your partner’s needs. Do not criticize them for how their needs differ from yours.
Give yourself as much time as you need to heal, and avoid numbing your pain.
Join a support group with others who have miscarried. Foster hope for your next pregnancy and speak with a therapist.
It is okay to grieve. It is okay to need support. We are here for you.
If you are searching for additional support during your grieving process, Toronto Therapy Practice is here for you. Our team can help you discover how to heal emotionally from a miscarriage. Click the button below to learn more.
