How to Balance Work and Motherhood: A Working Mom’s Guide to Postpartum Depression
Being a mother is both transformational and rewarding; however, becoming a new mom can also have unexpected challenges. One of those challenges is postpartum depression. Almost everyone has heard of postpartum depression, but most don't want to talk about the realities of postpartum depression. Especially the reality of being a working mother with postpartum depression.
Postpartum depression is a mood disorder that typically occurs within the first year of having a child. Though sometimes confused with the baby blues, postpartum depression is a much more severe and long lasting condition. Furthermore, the baby blues typically occur within the first two weeks following childbirth and are accompanied by symptoms such as mood swings, irritability, and crying. These feelings are often temporary and subside as you adjust to your new role of being a mother.
Postpartum depression on the other hand can last for months after delivery and its feelings can range from deep sadness to lack of interest or attachment to your baby. These feelings not only make it hard for you to care for your baby, but they also make it hard for you to care for yourself. Often bleeding into your professional career.
Below is a list of the most common symptoms of depression:
Persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness: PPD comes with a sense of sadness that no matter what you do doesn’t seem to go away. Even causing you to lose interest in activities you used to love.
Feeling extremely overwhelmed, fatigued, or exhausted: Everyone knows that sleep deprivation with a newborn is normal but PPD creates a level of exhaustion that makes basic functioning feel difficult.
Irritability and/or anger: Being tired also causes your moods to fluctuate rapidly and you can find yourself unnecessarily angry about something, or constantly irritated.
Changes in appetite: In order to cope with the isolation and lack of activities you’re now doing, some mothers lose their appetite while others gain a larger one in order to cope.
Difficulty bonding with your baby: This can be one of the hardest aspects of PPD. Not only are you already feeling guilty for not basking in the newness of motherhood but you are also struggling to feel connected to your newborn. Furthering the guilt and negative self-talk.
There are definitely aspects of being a working mom that can make you more susceptible to postpartum depression.
Those include but are not limited to:
Increased pressures to “bounce back”: There are often expectations set not only by others but by yourself to bounce back after giving birth. To be back in the workplace as soon as possible. Working moms often struggle with these unrealistic expectations and it makes them feel as though they're failing.
Feelings of guilt: Wanting to go back to work but then also wanting to be a good mom for your child can evoke feelings of guilt. You want to continue doing the job you had before but you know you may not be able to, at the same capacity, and so the guilt sets in.
Lack of self care: Being a working mom means whatever time you’re not in the office you’re probably spending it with your kids. This leaves very little room for IMPORTANT mom time which helps keep your mental health strong and yourself happy.
Lack of workplace support: Depending on where you work or the field you’re in there could be a lack of support or care for working parents. A lack of understanding from colleagues or employers can make a toxic environment and leave new moms feeling incredibly alone.
Challenges of finding a balance: As stated before a working moms time is typically divided between work and the kids. While this might sound efficient, in order to be the mom you want to be you have to sometimes prioritise yourself.
It is imperative that you are able to recognize and understand the symptoms and probable causes of postpartum depression so that you may be on the lookout for it.
Recognizing the Signs of Postpartum Depression as a Working Mom
Noticing the signs of PPD can be hard, especially for a working mom who feels her attention is being pulled in seven hundred different directions. You are probably facing pressures from all angles, work, childcare, caring for the home, and so on. This often makes it difficult to tell which feelings come from stress and which come from postpartum depression.
Remember that every woman experiences postpartum depression differently though there are some common signs to be on the lookout for. Especially when trying to balance parenthood with a career.
If you understand the signs you can seek out early intervention which could save you a lot of time and stress in the long run.
Earlier we stated that one of the most common symptoms of PPD is feeling exhausted and even overwhelmed. These feelings are all too normal for a working mom. Between trying to do the best you can in your career and trying to do the best you can for your baby things can get pretty stressful.
Being a working mom you may even find that tasks you once found easy and mindless now make you feel overly exhausted and drained. Note that this feeling is not normal exhaustion, it is not going to improve with more sleep. It’s coupled to those feelings of depression.
Moreover, another common symptom of PPD is difficulty concentrating. Tasks you once found easy to focus on, now take a lot of energy to concentrate on. This isn’t just being exhausted or the stress of being a new parent. PPD can impact cognitive functioning. Some moms often describe feeling as though their brain is foggy.
Although there are many emotional symptoms of depression there are some physical ones to look out for as well.
Feeling physically exhausted all of the time isn’t just a normal part of motherhood. You may have trouble sleeping even though when you get to bed you’re exhausted. This is due to the anxiety or stress of the amount of things you have to be doing.
Aches and pains are part of giving birth sure, but constant stress and exhaustion can lead to the presentation of persistent physical pain. You can’t get comfortable when trying to fall asleep, everything is sore even though you haven’t done anything to become sore. Your back may ache or you may start experiencing stomach issues.
With all of that being said you need to be able to recognize the signs in yourself early. Get to know yourself and what your body feels like in order to better assess which symptoms are ones to be concerned about and which can be ignored.
3 Tips to Balance Work and Motherhood
So you know that being a working mom is stressful. You know the late nights and you know that all of those things can contribute to a higher risk of having postpartum depression.So what can you do to counteract that?
We decided to create a small list of things to be able to help you juggle the difficult task of motherhood, work, and mental health.
Remember these are simply suggestions and to take away what resonates with you. There’s no pressure!
1. Establish a flexible routine
Like anything in life, in order to balance multiple commitments you need to have a routine. However, in establishing a routine for motherhood flexibility is key. You need to find a routine that works for both you
and your baby, and babies are notoriously uncooperative… With the right tactics you can navigate the difficulties of parenthood while also protecting your own mental health.
You need to begin by creating work life boundaries. There need to be a set of boundaries between work and home life. When you’re at the office avoid checking your phone or dealing with out of the office things unless it’s an emergency. When you’re at home try to leave work at work unless absolutely necessary. This gives you the time if needed to be able to do some self care and recharge.
Incorporate those self care moments into your routine. Perhaps you just need a nice warm bath at the end of a long day to recover, or perhaps you need to watch that show you’ve been planning on starting. Anything that gives mom time to spend with herself to be able to breathe for a little.
Try to create a nap and feeding schedule for your baby so you’re able to allocate the rest of your time accordingly. Babies and children do incredibly well once on a schedule and this also creates designated times where you know you need to do some mom duties and others to get other things done.
2. Set realistic expectations for yourself
Although we all wish we could be super moms and do it all, work, kids, recitals, business meetings, classroom luncheons, business luncheons, the reality is we can’t. We’ll burn ourselves out trying or thinking we can.
In order to avoid this burnout, setting realistic expectations for work and motherhood are incredibly important.
Be kind to yourself. It’s okay not to be on top of everything all of the time. Perfection isn’t real, and you will need to learn to accept that perfection isn’t attainable. You’ll have great days and you’ll have not so great days and that’s okay. The core of it is knowing you’re doing your best and being proud of yourself for that.
Learn how to delegate. In both your personal and professional life you need to learn to assign tasks to others. Although asking for help is sometimes the worst feeling in the world. It takes a village to raise a family. Accept the idea of asking your partner and/or family for help at home or with the kids. At work you don’t need to be taking on every task. Work with co-workers and outsource to them when and if you can.
Focus on what is important. When balancing work and motherhood, sit down and write a list of realistic goals and what is important for both. This way you are acknowledging what you’re doing and also making a list of things you know you can accomplish.
3. Build a strong support system
Asking for help is hard but having a support system is so incredibly important for prevention against postpartum mental health conditions. Working and being a mom is hard so you need to be able to create a system which you can lean on without feeling guilty or judged.
Lean on your partner. Talk to them openly about what you’re going through and the stress you’re experiencing and explain how you need or want help. This emotional support can be a game changer, knowing your partner understands and is ready to take on some of the stress with you.
Talk to your co-workers and look for flexibility where you can find it. Many workplaces are far more accommodating than mothers realize. Speak to your employer or to HR about adjusting your hours if you need.
Reach out to friends and family if you need. Having many different people you can lean on can sometimes alleviate the stress of asking for help. If you’re not asking the same person all the time it can remove some of that guilt. If you can, lean on friends and family where possible. Know that they love you and they want to help you.
Seeking Help for Postpartum Depression While Working
Throughout this blog we’ve discussed several strategies to be able to balance work and life. If those suggestions aren’t working and you find your postpartum depression is getting more severe it’s time to take some more steps.
First, reach out to your healthcare provider. Whether this is your general practitioner or your OB-GYN these physicians are able to assist in a possible diagnosis and help you talk about the next steps. They will also provide you with a referral for counselling or psychiatric services where needed.
Treatment options for postpartum depression include therapy, medication, or a combination of both. Treatment options depend on the severity.
There are therapists who specialize in postpartum depression and we have several of those at Toronto Therapy Practice. These therapists target their counselling toward postpartum depression directly using approaches like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to reframe negative thought patterns, or interpersonal therapy (IPT) which focuses on current problems to resolve the issues rather than focusing on things experienced in childhood etc. These therapists specialize in treating postpartum depression using evidence-based approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps reframe negative thought patterns, and Interpersonal Therapy (IPT), which addresses current challenges to promote resolution rather than delving into past childhood experiences.
Look into online counselling services. With work and motherhood it may be difficult to get yourself to in person appointment or to do therapy at all. Many therapists offer online counselling so find a cozy corner in your house and be prepared to let us help you!
Talk openly with your employer and HR about what you’re going through. Communication in these situations is most difficult but also most important. Your employer can’t help you if they don’t know you need help. Try to understand that the judgment you fear from other people is just your own fears.
There are also multiple support groups for working moms with postpartum depression such as a virtual support group for those experiencing symptoms of postpartum anxiety or postpartum depression at North York General.
The bottom line is, being a working mom is hard, being a working mom with postpartum depression is nearly impossible. Understand that getting help doesn’t make you any less hard working or strong.
Getting help makes you a strong mom because you’re able to know when you need to grow and you’ll be able to one day teach your child about the importance of getting help when they need it.
Toronto therapy practice is here to help whenever you’re ready. Click the button below to book a free consultation to see if we’d be the right fit for you!
