How Self-Esteem Can Affect Your Mental Health
Our decision-making skills, comfort zones, perceived self-value, and self-happiness all depend on our self-esteem. Self-esteem refers to the opinion we hold of ourselves as individuals. Your self-esteem is determined by how you view yourself, which is influenced by our interpersonal relationships with authority figures like parents, teachers, and coaches, as well as our life experiences. For example, someone who views themselves as capable of learning a new skill may have had encouraging parents or teachers. In contrast, someone who sees themselves as incompetent may have had parents or teachers discouraged them from trying or made them feel guilty when they failed. These relationships and life experiences differentiate low self-esteem, high self-esteem, or healthy self-esteem.
Low self-esteem is often caused by overly critical authority figures from one’s childhood, such as parents, teachers, or coaches, or poor treatment from other important people, like your partner, peers, or close friends. Negative life experiences such as bullying, abuse, academic/professional difficulties, or similar stressful situations can also contribute to lower self-esteem, as these experiences may cause an individual to think less of themselves. Likewise, physical conditions that cause pain or disability and mental health concerns like anxiety and depression negatively influence self-esteem. When someone’s self-esteem is lower than average, they are often more critical and judgmental of themselves. This criticism and judgment are very prominent in their negative self-talk and self-descriptions, speaking negatively about themselves to themselves and other people. For example, someone with low self-esteem would describe themselves as “lazy” and excessively beat themselves up if they do anything “lazy”. Because of the negative light individuals with low self-esteem see themselves in, they are more likely to tolerate mistreatment from romantic partners or friends, believing they deserve poor treatment. These individuals may even avoid relationships altogether, intentionally isolating themselves from others or unconsciously pushing others away from them. This behaviour stems from the negative belief that failure (socially and in other domains) is inevitable, so why try? Individuals with low self-esteem often see themselves as incompetent failures, so rather than fail, they don’t try in the first place. And if they do try and fail, they are less likely to try again. Resilience is uncommon in those with low self-esteem, as they believe the initial failure proved their fears, and reattempting would prove unsuccessful too. Resilience may be hard to foster in some individuals with low self-esteem due to their self-imposed standards for failure/success. However, low self-esteem can also manifest in a contrasting way. Other individuals with low self-esteem may struggle with perfectionism, due to similar self-imposed standards for failure/success. Some individuals with low self-esteem may hold themselves to incredibly high standards to “make up” for their self-perceived failures and inferiority. So, what others may consider successful, those with low self-esteem may still consider it a failure, which further lowers their self-esteem. Finally, a person may have such low self-esteem that they don’t believe they deserve self-care, avoiding taking care of their physical and mental health and potentially indulging in self-harm behaviours, like drug use or disordered eating, to “punish” themselves for their self-perceived failures.
While having low self-esteem can cause multiple difficulties throughout one’s life, having excessively high self-esteem can do the same thing. High self-esteem can be healthy, but when one’s self-esteem is excessively high, and they may been seen as arrogant or entitled, they may exhibit unhealthy behaviours. Someone with excessively high self-esteem will likely experience relationship issues and a lack of personal growth, similar to those with low self-esteem. Excessively high self-esteem can cause difficulties in romantic and platonic relationships, as individuals may be too needing of praise or validation from others, wanting their view of themselves to be reaffirmed by others’ praise. Other people may dislike being around those with overly high self-esteem because of this need for praise and their tendency to only discuss themselves and their achievements. Individuals with too high self-esteem often think so highly of themselves that they experience little to no personal growth, as they may not believe that they are lacking in any area. This belief also contributes to their difficulties with maturely handling criticism. Those with overly high self-esteem often take feedback very personally, believing any criticism is a slight against their character. These behaviours are just as unhealthy as the behaviours caused by low self-esteem. Thus, we need to work towards developing a healthier self-esteem that ensures we can remain in healthy, positive relationships and feel happy with ourselves.
There are five helpful tricks for promoting healthier self-esteem.
Challenge any negative self-talk with positive self-talk. If you often call yourself dumb, counter those thoughts by reflecting on every time you’ve shown wisdom and intelligence. You can even track your negative thoughts to understand your core beliefs and to develop positive self-talk that specifically counters that belief.
Avoiding social comparisons with others on social media can help us release any unrealistic standards for ourselves. Comparing our achievements and lifestyle with the (likely edited and deceiving) content we see on social media may cause us to feel unhappy with ourselves — holding ourselves to standards that can’t be realistically met. Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to past versions of yourself.
Appreciate your strengths and positive qualities. Recognizing your strengths can help you feel happier and develop healthier, higher self-esteem because you appreciate your good traits! Likewise, exhibiting your strengths/positive qualities (making art if you’re creative, playing a sport if you’re athletic, etc.) can boost your mood and help you find peace.
Put your foot down and advocate for yourself. People with low self-esteem are often people pleasers, sacrificing their comfort for others’ benefit. Instead, be assertive about your needs. While this can be difficult if you’re used to ignoring your needs, speaking up for yourself is critical. Advocate for what you want, and don’t feel guilty for saying “no” to something you don’t want.
Talk to someone. Cognitive behavioural therapy is an incredible psychotherapy style that can help you identify the core beliefs that maintain your negative self-talk, your behaviour, and your view of yourself. It can feel illuminating to understand why you hold certain beliefs about yourself, and acknowledging and interrupting behaviours that maintain these beliefs with the support of a therapist can help you change them. If you're struggling with low self-esteem or excessively high self-esteem, we’re here for you. One of our trained therapists can help you learn to see yourself in a healthier, more positive light.Contact Us
