A Postpartum Mental Health Guide for Partners: How to Really Help
Having a baby can be both exciting and overwhelming, but the important thing to note is that your postpartum period isn’t only about your physical recovery but mental recovery as well. The postpartum period is difficult and many partners may not know how to provide emotional support throughout this time. In this guide, we will discuss what postpartum mental health looks like, warning signs to be on the lookout for, and how you as a partner can provide strong support.
By providing warmth, patience, and support you can be a pillar in helping your partner heal throughout the postpartum period.
Understanding Postpartum Mental Health
The postpartum period is often defined as the first year following childbirth and it is accompanied by many changes for both parents and for the baby. Although physical recovery is often the first thing parents consider, emotional and psychological recovery are equally if not more important.
So what is postpartum mental health? You are probably somewhat familiar with postpartum depression but postpartum mental health encompasses the range of psychological changes a parent may experience after giving birth. The postpartum period is characterized by changes to the body, hormones, and daily life which play a huge role in emotional struggles.
In Canada, during the postpartum period around 7.5% of women reported depressive symptoms. Though postpartum depression is one of the more common conditions there are a wide variety of postpartum mental health conditions.
Common conditions include:
Postpartum Depression (PPD): This is a mood disorder that causes persistent feelings of sadness and hopelessness. It also comes with a loss of interest or pleasure in activities one used to enjoy. Those with postpartum depression often have a hard time bonding with their baby. It typically begins within the first few weeks or months after giving birth.
Postpartum anxiety (PPA): Sometimes this can occur alongside postpartum depression but it can also be its own separate condition. This is the excessive worry or fear that harm may come to your baby. Those with postpartum anxiety experience thoughts like “What if I accidentally drop the baby?” “What if I get angry and shake the baby?” Oftentimes those with postpartum anxiety won’t let others care for their babies with fear of harm befalling them.
Postpartum psychosis: This condition is much less common than PPA and PPD but it is more severe than the other two. It involves a break from reality and patients often experience hallucinations, delusions, or extreme paranoia. This condition requires immediate medical attention and cannot be overcome on its own.
Baby blues: This is most commonly experienced, not severe, and typically temporary. It is characterized by mood swings, tearfulness, irritability, and fatigue. This usually lasts for a few days or even a couple weeks but symptoms tend to resolve on their own.
There are many things which contribute to postpartum mental health conditions. As you read the following list be sure to not let it bring you stress. Although perhaps you feel some of the contributors, that does not mean you will get a postpartum condition. Some people with risk factors don’t and people with no risk factors do.
Things which contribute to mental health struggles:
Hormonal changes: Following childbirth hormone levels can drop sharply. This has a big impact on mood regulation and can trigger those feelings of sadness and anxiety.
Physical exhaustion: Sleep deprivation is a significant factor contributing to mental health difficulties. Caring for a baby is exhausting, you're losing sleep, you’re breastfeeding, adjusting to a new routine, all of this leading to chronic fatigue. Lack of sleep is one of the foremost contributors to all mental health conditions, not only the postpartum ones.
Relationship changes: A new baby shifts relationship dynamics, this is normal and natural. One may feel disconnected from their partner or family because their world revolves around the baby. This isolation can leave a person vulnerable to experience postpartum mental health conditions.
Societal expectations: It’s easy to fall into the social media circuit of perfect moms. Where everyone looks like it’s easy and they have a balanced life. It's easy to get caught up in the social media illusion of perfect moms—where everyone seems to have it all together, effortlessly balancing life and motherhood. Don’t forget social media is often a person's highlight reel. You don’t know what struggles occur behind closed doors, but this pressure to be the “perfect” parent can lead to postpartum mental health struggles.
Postpartum mental health not only affects the individual but the family. When one parent is struggling this can impact the other parent, or their family. It causes difficulties with bonding with the baby, maintaining healthy relationships, and intervening in the schedule of everyday life.
Mental health conditions which get left untreated can become far more severe and unable to be ignored. It’s important that as a partner you are able to recognize the changes in behaviour of your partner and try to act as a solid support system.
It is also hard for those suffering from a postpartum mental health condition to ask for help because they feel embarrassed about their symptoms. Remember to reserve judgment and to focus on being there for them.
Seeing the Signs of Distress
Noticing when someone you love is struggling with their mental health is challenging as it is, let alone during the postpartum period when a family is undergoing many changes. It is important however that partners, friends, and family are able to identify signs of emotional distress early so that there can be faster support and intervention.
The first thing to be mindful of is there is a difference between the baby blues and postpartum depression. The main thing to note is the difference in severity, duration, and its impact on day to day functioning.
The baby blues are common and lead to a parent feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or emotional in the days or weeks following childbirth. The feelings typically hit their peak around the 3rd or 4th day after giving birth and typically resolve on their own after two weeks.
Postpartum depression is more persistent and severe. It can impact a person's daily functioning and can begin anytime in the first year after childbirth. It involves feelings of deep sadness, hopelessness, and difficulty bonding with the baby. It also often requires professional intervention to be resolved.
Below we list the signs and symptoms of the varying postpartum mental health conditions so you can be on the lookout for them.
Signs and symptoms of postpartum depression:
Persistent sadness: New parents may feel deep sadness or empty feelings that won’t go away.
Loss of interest in life or the baby: Feeling tired, overwhelmed, and disconnected from your life or your baby.
Excessive worry or anxiety: Anxiety is somewhat normal as a parent but it’s when those worries become excessive that you need to become concerned.
Irritability or anger: Feelings of frustration and anger are more prominent and harder to ignore.
Fatigue or lack of energy: Not wanting to get out of bed, or take care of yourself by doing things such as showering.
Difficulty concentrating: Trouble focusing or making decisions or remembering things can be a sign of depression.
Physical symptoms: Postpartum depression can manifest in physical ways such as body aches or appetite changes.
Signs of postpartum anxiety:
Constant worry: Constant fear about the baby’s safety when they’re in no real danger. Worry about making mistakes.
Panic attacks: Anxiety can sometimes escalate to panic attacks but not common. Keep an eye out because panic attacks can sometimes be silent.
Obsessive thoughts: Postpartum anxiety may involve intrusive thoughts or compulsions bordering on OCD.
Physical tension: Anxiety can cause muscle tension, headaches.
Signs of postpartum psychosis:
Hallucinations or delusions
Paranoia and extreme suspicion
Feeling disoriented or confused
Rapid mood swings sometimes within seconds
Thoughts about harming oneself or the baby
So what should you do if you notice any of these symptoms in your partner? You need to approach the issue with compassion and understanding. You don’t want to be judgmental or aggressive about seeking treatment or help.
Don’t assume your partner’s feelings, talk to them about it. Create an open and safe space where your partner feels they can come to you without judgement. This also creates a good environment where if they are being open you can track changes in feelings or symptomatology. This also fosters an environment where, if they’re open, you can track changes in their feelings or symptoms over time.
Avoid judgement. Your partner is likely just as frustrated about their feelings as you are—if not more. They are trying their best, and if you judge them they are less likely to vocalize their struggles or seek help which is important.
Offer specific support, instead of asking, “What can I do?” Offer actual ways you can help them. For example picking up more of the baby load, or taking on nights so they can get more rest. That way they see you’re actively making an effort.
Practical Ways to Offer Emotional Support
Supporting a partner with postpartum depression is about teamwork, not just "helping"—a term that can sometimes imply one parent is the default caregiver while the other steps in as an assistant. Both parents are fully parents, but the reality is that the birth parent or the one staying home, especially if breastfeeding, often carries a heavier load in those early months. Instead of framing support as "helping out," it’s more effective to approach it as sharing the responsibilities of parenting and emotional recovery. This can mean actively participating in nighttime feedings, handling household tasks without being asked, and checking in emotionally rather than assuming what your partner needs. By shifting the mindset from helping to co-parenting, both partners can feel valued, supported, and more connected as they navigate postpartum challenges together. Keep reading for just a few ways to help your partner.
Active listening is a form of listening often employed by therapists in a session. This is where you allow your partner to honestly express how they’re feeling without you rushing to offer a solution or minimize what they are experiencing. Postpartum struggles can feel isolating and having a partner who listens and is there to help is incredibly important.
As stated before, offer reassurance while reserving judgment. Your partner is probably already judging themselves, feeling inadequate, and struggling. Your partner may feel guilty for feeling the way they do which is why you need to reassure them and ensure they know you are there for them. When they share their feelings tell them you heard them and that you can’t imagine how difficult it is but that it means the world to you that they are sharing those feelings with you. This creates a safe space for further dialogue.
Encourage your partner to take time for themselves and to practice self care. Give them opportunities where they can do that by watching the baby for a couple hours. Set up a hot bath for them or cook them dinner every so often so they see that you are making them a priority as well.
When and How to Seek Professional Help
First you need to be able to recognize when is a good time to start considering seeking help. You can keep track of this by following your partner's feelings or patterns of behaviour. If after a month or more of depressive, or anxious symptoms they are not getting better it may be time to consider seeking professional help.
When suggesting counselling to your partner don’t make it seem like it’s something they have to do because they failed to get better on their own. Make it clear that this is a decision you two should make together and that they will not be experiencing it alone. That you will be part of the process every step of the way.
Be sure to normalize seeking help and allow them to understand there isn’t anything wrong with asking for a little extra help.
Respect their autonomy. While it's important to talk to them about seeking help it is also important to allow them to take that step when they feel ready. They won’t get the full benefits from counselling if they were forced into it rather than choosing it on their own.
As always, Toronto Therapy Practice is here to help with our plethora of qualified therapists waiting for you when you are ready to take that next step.
We also want to remind you we think you’re doing amazing and that it’s okay to not be okay. Just understand we’re here to help whenever you need.
