A Roadmap Through the Difficult Journey of Infertility: The Role of Infertility Counselling
The road to becoming a parent is supposed to be a joyous and simple one. One many people take and look forward to taking. None of these people expect to end up dealing with the woes of infertility. Approximately one in six people worldwide experience infertility. Not only is infertility physically draining but emotionally as well.
Infertility is both an emotional and stressful experience. The American Psychiatric Association (APA) notes that not being able to conceive results in significant psychological impact and causes a life crisis.
There are many feelings surrounding infertility, some of those being anger, sadness, and even guilt or shame. We want to remind everyone that it is not your fault and you are not alone.
Infertility is something that affects everyone involved and its impacts are heavy and difficult to deal with.
Emotional and Physical Impacts of Infertility
1. Anxiety
Difficulties in trying to have a child obviously build some anxiety. One begins to constantly worry about conception and this worrying can become quite the burden. Causing negative impacts on their daily lives. On top of already feeling the pressures of having to conceive, the fear of the unknown becomes central in someone's worry. They worry about treatment outcomes, test results, and other unpredictable things.
Furthermore, fertility treatments such as IVF or other hormone therapies are emotionally and physically taxing. Fear of these expensive treatments not working out can cause anxiety.
2. Depression
The infertility journey is one full of grief and loss. This grief and loss surrounds the fear that plans, dreams, or an imagined future are out of reach. It’s natural that while experiencing infertility one becomes mournful or sad. These feelings of failure or inadequacy accompany difficulty conceiving or unsuccessful treatment attempts Furthering depressive feelings and thoughts of worthlessness. This process can feel incredibly isolating especially around the holidays or during events where it feels that everyone is able to conceive but you. The chronic stress and emotional roller coaster can lead to feelings of depression which can become quite serious.
3. Physical Symptoms
The stress and emotional toll of infertility can cause a slew of physical symptoms. Hormonal imbalances can result from certain forms of infertility treatment. Similarly certain fertility procedures can be invasive and lead to physical discomfort. Some symptoms include cramping, bloating, and even vaginal bleeding. Physical symptoms from stress include fatigue, headaches and migraines, digestive issues, and increased heart rate. Being in chronic stress your immune system can be impacted as well.
4. Conflict in the Relationship
On top of individually feeling unworthy or guilty your partner can experience this as well. Regardless of why a couple is experiencing infertility it can put a strain on their relationship. They may undergo communication challenges, emotional strain and stress, and strains in terms of physical intimacy. Throughout the process you must remember that the two of you have entered it together; try to go through it as a team rather than individually.
Sometimes these impacts are too much to deal with on your own and that is okay. There are infertility counsellors with vast experience ready for situations just like yours. It’s important to remember that although this process can feel isolating that you don’t have to be ashamed or ashamed to seek help. Everyone is different and conception is just yet another facet in which we differ.
How Infertility Counselling can Help you Cope
Infertility counselling is sometimes crucial for couples experiencing infertility. As stated previously, the impacts that infertility can cause a couple are sometimes ones that cannot be left alone or worked through on your own. Throughout the highs and lows of infertility it is important to have a professional there for you to discuss your concerns and difficulties in a safe space; one where both partners feel seen and heard.
6 Benefits of Infertility Counselling
1. Emotional Support
Dealing with infertility can often feel like dealing with loss. Couples experience grief over their inability to conceive. The repeated and failed treatments also elicit grief. Counselling provides a safe space to learn how to cope with that loss and grief and be able to express and process it there. Furthermore, infertility can trigger other unhealthy emotions like anxiety and negative thoughts leading to depression. Counselling helps couples address their emotions in a constructive and healthy way.
2. Coping with Stress or Anxiety
Individuals dealing with infertility commonly experience mental health struggles like anxiety and depression. This is due to the sense of hopelessness and loss of control on the situation they are in. Therapy provides clients with good coping mechanisms in order to work through the infertility journey. It teaches its clients how to be resilient and process difficult emotions. It gives them ways to cope with their emotions so that they aren’t overcome by them.
3. Improving Communication
Infertility naturally places a strain on couples relationships. The feelings of inadequacy are often difficult to vocalize to one another. This closes the communication between partners and can create a very unhealthy negative living environment for both parties. In counselling a counsellor will facilitate open communication discussing emotions and difficulties they both experience. A counsellor will also help reduce conflict between the couple and teach them how to cope with disappointment in terms of treatments. Counselling creates a neutral space to learn how to resolve conflicts in a healthy way.
4. Helping with Decision Making
There are a variety of different treatment options in terms of infertility. Some of these are IVF, IUI, egg/sperm donation, or even surrogacy. A counsellor can help couples come to a decision that is best for them. Creating an environment to discuss concerns and thoughts. A counsellor will lead a couple to a decision they will be comfortable and happy with. They will also help couples explore alternative options if one method isn’t necessarily being successful.
5. Building Resilience and Strength
By providing emotional validation and creating a safe space infertility counselling allows clients to build resilience and strength. They acknowledge the grief that surrounds infertility and normalize emotions. Giving clients a space to be vulnerable and completely honest. In doing this a therapist will develop stress management techniques and build coping mechanisms. This also provides the opportunity to reframe the setbacks as less of a negative thing and more of an opportunity to learn and grow.
6. Guiding Through Miscarriage and Loss
Grief is part of the process of infertility. Not only does one grieve failed conception attempts, but the possibility of a future they had envisioned and more. Miscarriage and infant loss can be common when experiencing infertility. A counsellor will give the clients a space where they can grieve. Outwardly, and openly, without the feeling of judgment. They will help their clients navigate these complex emotions and feel them in order to heal from them.
The Role of Infertility Counsellors
Infertility counsellors are crucial to the counselling process. They need to be equipped with many different tools in order to help their clients to the fullest extent.
They first provide emotional support to their clients. This means that they validate feelings, offer emotional relief, and manage stress and anxiety. Counselling gives you the opportunity to discuss everything you’re feeling with a third party that is able to organize your emotions. This will allow you to work through these difficult to deal with emotions one at a time rather than feeling overwhelmed all the time.
Once clients have been able to share their emotions and a counsellor can fully grasp and understand how their clients are feeling they will work together in order to create healthy coping strategies. They do this by focusing on what works for the client and then adjusting the methods accordingly. For example, journaling works for some but doesn’t for others. A counsellor will know this and ensure that they are providing the best options for their clients.
Infertility affects both partners and this can cause a significant strain on the relationship. When you’re already stressed about conception the last thing you want to be doing is ceasing communication with your partner or worse arguing constantly. A counsellor will work toward strengthening relationships, and ensuring you enter the process as a team and not as enemies.
When coping with infertility people often blame themselves. They feel they are at fault and it can really put into question their self worth. This creates a negative thought pattern which can cause clients to spiral. A therapist will work to correct these thoughts and ensure that their clients feel supported entirely.
A counsellor also helps their client with the physical and emotional tolls of treatments. On top of being stressed whether or not a treatment will work, infertility treatments can take a significant toll on the body.
Counsellors help manage stress toward appointments and treatments but also provide emotional support throughout the impacts of medical procedures.
Infertility counsellors are not merely limited to the infertility process. They can offer long term support. After a successful treatment or alternative path to parenthood they can continue to support their clients through this position. This is incredibly helpful because after all of the stress and exhaustion in becoming a parent, you are now exhausted and stressed because you are a parent. Counselling can be extremely effective during this period.
Coping Strategies Through the Infertility Journey
If you’re not yet sure whether or not you are ready to seek counselling, here are four effective coping mechanisms to help with infertility.
1. Emotional Awareness and Acceptance
Infertility will trigger a wide range of emotions we’ve touched on several times throughout this blog. It is really important that you don’t ignore these feelings and allow yourself to feel them. It is hard and frustrating and difficult and it is okay to feel angry or sad. Bottling things up is never the answer. Be genuine with your emotions.
2. Creating Healthy Social Supports
As stated previously, infertility affects both partners. Allow yourself to be open about your feelings to your partner. Furthermore, speak to your family and friends about how you’re feeling and about the things that trigger your negative emotions. It is okay to say no to the baby shower, or to say no to babysitting if it takes a toll on you. Be honest with yourself and others and only do what you feel you can handle.
3. Emphasize Self Care
We know that sometimes it is difficult when you blame yourself for something to still take care of yourself but this is crucial. Be kind to yourself, invest in self care, take that bath, book that massage, read that book, make time for yourself. Participate in activities that ease your stress and take breaks from your fertility journey if you need to.
4. Try and Reframe Your own Perspective
Control the controllables. Infertility is plagued with a lot of uncertainty and you often cannot control the outcome of a treatment or situation. That is okay! Focus on what you can control such as stress and anxiety management and taking care of yourself. Reframe your negative thoughts when you feel them resurfacing. If you think, “This is all my fault,” circle back to the reality of the situation and tell yourself time and time again that it is not your fault.
As always, Toronto Therapy Practice is here to help. You are not alone, and don’t hesitate to reach out if you need to.
